Stop Being Afraid of Being Afraid

We have all heard it:

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Feel the fear… and do it anyway.

It works.

For a while anyway. And then it comes back to bite us in the ass.

We’ve all been through it.

We feel it, then decide to focus on what we want, pushing the fear away and going for it.

It’s amazing and we feel elated that we’re moving forward. Not just moving, sprinting!

Bursting with energy and passion and inspiration and ideas and things roll, roll, roll.

We get things done, meet amazing people, connect in exciting ways.

And then we plateau. Then we get used to this new altitude, we take things for granted and it seems like we’re not moving at all.

Things are slooooow. They don’t go the way we want.

First, I want to offer a pearl of wisdom a friend shared with me:

The universe never says ‘no.’ It only has 3 responses: Yes, not yet, and ‘I got something better for ya’.

Trust in this is paramount. So is patience.

But how do we put some joyful effort, some energy, behind our belief in the benevolence of the universe?

How do we catch our second wind?

You know… Like when you’re jogging and at the beginning you’re super motivated, your body is in it, your mind is in it, your emotions are in it… And then, somehow you reach a point when you get distracted, it’s harder to focus on what you’re doing and all you want to do is to stop.

Well, first, is to just trust, have patience and keep moving knowing it’ll get easier again.

Feel the fear (or tiredness or burn) and do it anyway.

But there’s more we can do.

More than just denying the fear and/or self-doubt, pushing it away or running away from it.

And even more than just being grateful for it and accepting it as something sacred and divine in its own right.

I’m going to suggest something radical:

Let it be there. Not just that…

Tune into it, dive in headfirst, soak yourself in it. Cover yourself and roll around in its mud.

What does it feel like, this masterful and powerful force we call Fear?

What does it look like? What’s the color? The texture? How does it feel like in your body?

Try it.

Can you tune into your fear right now? Can you feel the incredible tsunami of energy that it is?

The rush of adrenaline and hormones coursing through your body?

Stay with me. Take a deep breath and focus on this hurricane.

Focus on the intensity and the near-overhwlmingness.

What if we could harness this unstoppable force? What if we can reappropriate it and use it as a source of power?

How do we do this?

As most powerful techniques, it’s very simple:

Breathe into it and let the fear be there. Let it grow.

Breathe, low and deep into your belly, and let it out through your mouth with an ‘ahhhhhhh‘.

Relax your jaw.

Relax your eyebrows.

When it becomes that huge overwhelming force that we feel threatened by, forget the name we’ve given this accumulation of emotions and energy.

Turn it into an exploration. An adventure. Allow yourself to sink deep into this powerful combination of sensations, and focus on what feels good about it.

And there is something that feels good about it.

Is it the incredible surge of never-ending energy? The rush? The intensity? The thrill?

This unbelievable force lives in you.

Denying it is futile.

But the fact that it’s in you? It means it’s YOURS.

Yours to do with it as you please.

We have called it Fear and given it the power to threaten us, to take us over.

But if we leave the name aside, and focus on what it feels like in our body, this is an incredible rush of energy and we can choose how to channel it.

Breathe.

Make that conscious choice not to put the fear aside, but to put it to good use. What will you do with this insane amount of energy now coursing through your body?

Oftentimes in personal growth and new age circles, there is a tendency to run towards the ‘light.’

But what if we can harness the power of the ‘light’ and the ‘dark’ inside us, and fuse them together to create something huger than the sum of it’s parts?

What’s beautiful about this technique is that, not only is it powerful and gives us something self-serving to do with this fear, but that it also means that we can stop being afraid of being afraid.

This way of embracing the power of our fear gives us confidence because we know that when that fear or self-doubt or that plateau comes again (and we all know it does because that’s how this onion of the journey of life works), our response doesn’t have to be ’oh SHIT!‘, but…

HELL YEAH! More material to work with!

Are you with me?

Tags: bursting with energy, confidence, dealing with fear, empowerment, Fear, mental-health, pearl of wisdom, power

Choose Your Story Wisely

Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books?

Oftentimes, we feel as though life throws things at us and we have no control over anything.

But what if that’s not true? What if all the ways in which we perceive the world were up to us to choose?

I have to admit, this is a lesson that keeps coming up time and time again. I learn it, I apply it, I thrive, I fall off the wagon, and…

DESPAIR. RESISTANCE. ANGER. SADNESS.

All beautiful emotions that make me human. I’m grateful for them, really… They are not the most comfortable thing to feel, but they bring with them so much growth and learning about myself.

And then, I get to FORGIVENESS… And I remember that I get to choose whether I believe the stories my mind spins.

This morning, as I was riding the subway to meet my accountant, it dawned on me for the umpteenth time that I didn’t have to.

So liberating!

In a moment of absolute clarity, the wisdom came from somewhere deep inside me and said there’s nothing to be sad or angry about because they are all just stories.

My mind remembers these things, but then I have to wait until my body catches up when it forgets. This is exactly what happened in that moment.

My body remembered.

And then, out of its own volition, it picked up my phone to type the following words up. I don’t know if it was for my benefit, yours, or ours… But here it is:

Are you plagued by feelings of unworthiness?

Feelings of not being good enough, of not deserving the good things that come your way in life?

What is your reaction when someone compliments you or praises you?

Are you able to fully receive it and feel deep inside…

Yes! I DID do a good job!

Or

Yes! I DO look great!

Or

Yes! I AM a good person/friend/mother/father/etc?

If the feeling that comes up when someone praises you or compliments you in any way, it’s one of distrust, of

Why is this person telling me this?

Or

What do they want from me?

chances are that a part of you doesn’t feel deserving of it. Whatever that person’s motivation is (and that is something to take apart and judge separately), has nothing to do with whether you feel worthy of the praise or not.

So how can we get to the place where we do feel deserving?

Well, the reason we don’t is that at some point in time we have incorporated stories that say we don’t deserve it. That we need to be different from who we are, do things different from the way we would naturally do them, or just work our ass off to deserve anything.

Whether the story comes from your religion, your culture, your parents, teachers at school, or friends… The point is…

It is just a story.

When we recognize it as a story, we can choose to let it go. Or at the very least, choose not to believe it.

Every time this little voice comes up to tell you you are unworthy, not good enough, or undeserving… Take it in, embrace it lovingly and tell it gently that you appreciate it, but don’t believe it.

Agree to disagree.

And firmly add another voice to the party in your head:

I DO deserve this.

And

I AM good enough.

And

It is my birthright.

I love it when my wise body speaks so directly!

What is yours saying? What are some stories you are ready to let go off?

Tags: Anger, Forgiveness, healing, letting go, Sadness, self-acceptance, self-perception

You Say It Like It’s a Bad Thing!

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.
I will meet you there.”

Rumi

 

Have you ever noticed how we call people who dare to be different, or do things outside the norm, ‘shameless’?

We say it like it’s a bad thing.

But is it?

When you make it your life’s mission to guide people as they heal their shame, being shameless is the goal.

I mean… why would anyone want to have shame?

The feeling that comes up when we are scared of showing a part of ourselves we think is wrong or ‘not enough,’ shame by definition creates fragmentation and disconnection in our lives. Exactly the opposite of what we want: union, intimacy, connection.

So why is it that we call others ‘shameless’ as if it was an insult? As if being it is something to be avoided?

Implied in this language is an unconscious way to keep each other down. To stay within the norm and avoid standing out.

To hold back from expressing their true self, which is extraordinary, unique and different by definition.

Being called shameless is, as far as I’m concerned, a compliment. Something to aspire to.

You can be shameless now.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

As proof, I invite you to be a shame exhibitionist for a while: whenever you feel it, share it. Tell someone about it, and you will see that it’s not the end of the world.

Not just that, but you will realize that that which you’ve been hiding is not as big a deal as it seemed. Most people will understand, and maybe even feel inspired by you to share their own shame.

How do I know this?

It’s one of my clients’ most common epiphanies, and they feel so liberated!

Most of us have been taught that we need to be or do different from how we already are or behave in order to receive/deserve love and appreciation.

This is what sets us up for feeling ‘wrong’ and ‘not enough’… and, yes, feeling shame about it.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, take a risk, and show our shame, we will get one of two responses:

1) The other will understand, empathize and perhaps share their own stuff they’ve been afraid to let us know. We will both feel more connected and free to express ourselves.

Or, 2) the other will feel uncomfortable with our openness because of their own fear of making all of themselves visible. But somebody else’s inability to receive our whole self does not make us ‘wrong’ in any way. It’s not something to take personally.

In either case, being open about our shame will dissipate it because, by definition, it’s not shame anymore once we share it.

You can be shameless right now, just by letting go of this idea that you need to be anything other than who you already are. By accepting and loving yourself. No should, rights or wrongs.

Just beautiful, perfect you.

 

Jump in!

What are your thoughts/feelings on this subject? What has been your experience when you finally shared something you’d been keeping in? Please feel free to share.

As always, thie comments section is an advice-free area. We all have our stuff, and this is a place to share it without fear of being judged or told what to do.

Tags: guilt, healing, self love, self-acceptance, shame, sharing

Clean, Clear, Full, Expanded and Connected Bliss Is Yours!

Hello, Beloveds!

I hope 2012 is treating you fabulously so far.

Over here in Thailand, I’m enjoying the natural surroundings, amazing people and going deep into my ability to get out of my own way and squeeze the juice out of life.

Just this morning, my meditation practice left me so full of energy that I felt like screaming for joy at the top of my lungs.

And yesterday, I was blessed with an ecstatic dance party under the sun, palm trees and even deliciously refreshing rain, surrounded by lovely people fueled by their passion for life. Everyone was glowing and smiling at each other as they surrendered to their bodies’ need to shake, shake, shake to the music until they could shake, shake, shake no more.

There was so much bliss in the air, that you could physically feel it. Breathe it in and fill yourself up like a balloon with it!

Just looking at others in the eyes, witnessing them smiling with their whole being… The joy bubbling up from inside of them was so obvious that you could literally feel it making its way through your own body.

An ecstatic love bomb exploding in your heart, the energy of which is so immense that you can hardly contain it with the barrier of your skin.

All this, without a drop of alcohol. Without a touch of any mind-altering substance.

It is possible to experience this kind of clean, clear, full and expanded kind of connected bliss. This is our birthright, and it’s a crime that most people don’t even know it exists… let alone have experienced it.

I feel so blessed and grateful that I have had the pleasure of embodying this feeling on repeated occasions and, lately, more and more often.

In fact, it is increasingly clear to me in an experiential way (and not just an intellectual one) that this feeling is there all the time and it’s only a matter of tapping into it by getting out of my own way.

The simple strategies and techniques necessary to do this are coming more and more effortlessly to me as a result of my self-love practices, and life is in full bloom.

It is simply unacceptable that this is not available to all, and this is why I am making it my mission to spread the news.

And I would love your help.

Now, here is the shameless bit of self-promotion:

For women who are ready to step into their power through simple daily clean and blissful strategies, I’m offering my Orgasmic Woman: Self-Love and Sensuality Retreat in the fabulous paradise in Koh Phangan, Thailand.

This is the same place I am now and, as you can see, it is pretty spectacular. It’s the kind of place people change their flights back for and decide to stay for a while longer (sometimes, they change their flights several times!).

The magic of this place is like a magnifying glass that really allows us to take a look at what is holding you back, bring acceptance in, and transform it into the sweet, sweet  pure and clean pleasure, love and joy that comes from true connection.

I’m sure there are other hot pockets of magic on this planet, but I’m not sure when I will find them or when I will be holding a retreat there.

This one is happening in a month and, if you sign up within the next 24 hours… you’ll get $500 OFF.

If you or any woman you know would like to learn how to get out of their own way and tap into their power through utter bliss, please do yourself or that person a favor and urge them to get in touch with me as soon as possible.

This New Year’s Resolutions Insane Special ends on January 16 at 12 pm ET.

[As a side note to the scrumptious men who have been asking me for a retreat of their own, do not despair. It's coming soon!]

Always with pleasure and love,

Melody

Tags: Bliss, clean fun, dancing, joy, Ko Pha Ngan, Koh Phangan, party, pleasure, retreat, Thailand, women

Don’t Be Jealous. Be Inspired!

Dear Beloveds,

Happy 2012! And, as one of my friends just told me, happy infinity as well!

I am writing to you today from beautiful Had Tien beach in Koh Phangan, Thailand… where, despite the fact that it’s now 4:40 pm, the celebration is still going strong.

It’s such a joy for me to be able to spend a few months here every year to recharge.

When people find out about my yearly ‘break,’ their reaction tends to be…

I’m so jealous.

You know what I say to that?

Don’t be jealous. Be inspired!

The honest truth is that everyone can have this sort of freedom. They only need to believe it is so, and then put things into motion to make it happen (or allow it to happen) in their life.

I speak from personal experience, and I cannot stress enough the idea that we can have it all! Yes, we can have the cake, eat it… and love ourselves and our body!

I can hear those voices in your head right now.

How??? No, we can’t. It’s impossible. Life just doesn’t work that way. If it did, no one would be miserable. Only the lucky or special ones can have that, and I’m not lucky or special. I don’t deserve it.

And that is the difference!

Those ‘lucky’ or ‘special’ people? The only difference between them and you is that they feel good enough.

They feel really truly worthy of what they desire, so they go and get it.

They don’t let pesky voices stop them. Their belief in their deservingness is so strong that there is no self-sabotage happening.

This year, I invite you to really look at those voices in your head and ask yourself if you really truly believe them.

If the answer is ‘no,’ then follow it up with writing down what it is that you do believe about yourself. And throughout the year, practice reminding yourself of this, your true thought-feeling, whenever the voices come up.

I wish you the most pleasure-filled, ecstatic, transformational year… yet!

 

 

______________________________________________________________

If you enjoyed this post, are a woman, and one of your resolutions is to harness your power and create a life full of vibrant health, energy, creativity, sensuality and passion, you might be interested in my upcoming Orgasmic Woman: Self-Love & Sensuality Retreat.

11 scrumptious women will get to join me in this Thai paradise to explore practical ways to bring more bliss into their lives on every level (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual).

This is the year that you get comfortable in your own skin!

I want this for you so bad that I’m doing something totally crazy:

I’m offering a 50% discount for women who sign up before January 15.

This is your year! Are you ready to take it on?

Tags: being good enough, inspiration, jealousy, Koh Phangan, motivation, retreat, Thailand

Starting Your Day… The Right Way!

I have a confession to make:

I absolutely love looking at myself in the mirror!

Is this a sign of vanity?

Maybe.

Honestly, though…. Who cares???

Over the past year, since I moved into my current bedroom, I have been admiring myself first thing in the morning every morning.

Well,… At least the mornings I sleep in my bedroom. Tee hee!

You see, I sleep naked, so it’s pretty hard to avoid seeing myself in my dresser’s beautiful round leveled mirror when I get up from bed. The dresser is directly in front of my bed, so it’s inevitable that I will catch a glimpse of myself.

I have to admit that it hasn’t always been a positive experience. There’s those days that I feel like a blob, but for the most part… I have learned to feel beautiful even in my blobness.

This has really become a beautiful ritual for me, a practice of loving myself up first thing in the morning.

Why not?

So, while in the past I looked at my reflection and found everything that was wrong with me, today I make it a practice to find new things to appreciate every day.

Today, I must say, I’m loving my rear view! It came to my attention that I really enjoy the way my small back flows into the indentation at my waist and flares out to my hips… And the full round soft heaviness of my butt.

Before, I would have looked at the same thing and seen my cellulite, the width of my hips would have been too big, and my butt too heavy. I would have found the difference between my waist and my hips to be way more pronounced that it should be.

But who sets those rules anyway??

I say trash them, and make up your own!

I’m so happy that these same things I would have found fault with before, are ones that I now absolutely adore!

So tell me,…

Jump in!

What are some things you do, or could do to appreciate yourself and your body as soon as you wake up? What are some learned rules about what is beautiful that you could do away with?

Feel free to be as detailed as you feel inspired to be.

Tags: appreciation, body image, self love, self-esteem

Love Letter to My Body

Hello, fantastic readers!

How are you? It’s been a while since I last wrote, and I wanted to check in with you to see how you’re doing.

Please leave an update in the comments section.

I’m writing today because I found this letter I wrote a while back to my body, and I feel it was a really important step in my making friends with it and reconnecting at a time when I felt so at odds with it.

I’m sharing it in hopes of inspiring you to write something similar, though it doesn’t have to be nearly as long as mine.

(As you should know by now, brevity is not my thing!)

 

Love Letter to My Body

 

Dearest darling body of mine,

I love you. Before, during and after I say anything else. And I will always love you.

I’m sorry I treat you like shit sometimes. I’m sorry that I rail at you for not working the way I “think” you should, for not supporting me the way I want you to support me.

The truth is, whatever I do unto you is what you give back to me and I haven’t been very supportive of you lately.

I got busy and set you aside, prioritizing other projects before your well-being.

I haven’t been giving you the exercise you need to stay strong and flexible. No wonder our knees hurt and our energy level dwindles at the smallest amount of physical effort.

Instead of giving you what you need to support me, I’ve been complaining and getting frustrated with you. I haven’t been listening to you very much, and perhaps this has developed into minor a lack of trust.

I’m so sorry.

It starts with me. I cannot blame you when it’s my responsibility.

I love you. But I haven’t been treating you like it.

I’m so incredibly in awe of everything you do for me every day. It’s truly jaw-droppingly amazing.

Without me even thinking about it, you master my heartbeat, my digestion, my breathing. You protect me from disease without my even being aware of it. All those tiny and significant cellular processes I know nothing about.

You take care of them for me, leaving me free to focus on other things.

Thank you.

Thank you for taking me wherever I need to be.

Thank you for Breath, which is quite literally inspiring.

Thank you for being a home, tethering me to this beautiful planet. For the amazing learning tool you are, the interface between my spirit and my ego.

For being the screen on which my emotions are projected… Wow! How could I embark on this exploration of my self without you??

Wow! What a ride! The ups and downs would certainly not be the same without you. Despite my complaints when I feel uncomfortable, it’s because of you that I get to enjoy what it feels like to be thrilled and scared, to be happy and sad, to be angry… So amazing all the things you do!

You are such a great mirror of what’s going on inside me! You always show me how deeply I trust.

You are so honest with me, and I’m so grateful for that.

Thank you for having such a strong voice when it comes to my physical safety. You are so good at keeping me safe from harm.

Thank you for always having my back. Literally and figuratively.

Thank you for being the canvas on which I create outfits with so much glee. It’s so fun to dress you up, change hairstyles, or even makeup and see the results. What a chameleon you are! The best toy to play with and you come wherever I go.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for being such an amazing source of pleasure. It’s such a reward to be able to focus on how you feel at each moment, dropping into the present and finding how to be with that.

I love noticing how our skin and muscles feel like when we move, when we stay still… stretching, contracting, relaxing.

The spectacular joy of dance! I could never have that without you. Thank you for the freedom to express myself through movement. How did I get so lucky??

Thank you for housing the mechanisms for my senses. How delightful to be able to enjoy all of them! How amazing that I get to see the quiet of sunrise, hear the beauty of song, taste the symphony of food, touch the scent of skin, smell the sensation of a fragrant flower as it makes its way inside me.

You make love to me every day.

And I vow to make love to you too.

By feeding you right, exercising you right and appreciating you every day by providing you with more and more pleasure.

You are so incredibly beautiful, inside and out.

Your glowing skin, the softness of your curves… The heaviness of your breasts. The roundness of your belly, the cuteness of your pinky toes. The gentle slopes of your feet and collarbones. The fullness of your lips. The strength in the planes of your back and the power in your glutes.

My thighs.

Sigh.

My thighs.

Your softness… How I rail against it and yet, when I can step out of the ideas of how I feel our thighs should look… They are beautiful just as they are. Cushiony, inviting and full of the juice of life. How could I despise that???

Thank you for being the interface through which I can give and receive expressions of Love. Hugs, cuddles, smiles, touches filled to the brim with caring!

What a gift!

Dear body, you are magnificent.

I could go on and on and on extolling your virtues. Pretty much forever because you are so complex and awe-inspiring. I could write an ode to each part and aspect of you, going deeper and deeper and finding more reasons to lose my breath over your awesomeness.

But I’m going to stop here because the most important thing is for you to know that I love you just as you are, even when I forget to show it.

Even when I’m frustrated with you.

Even when I’m picking a fight.

I love you. And I trust you. It feels good to say that.

It feels true and I’m happy that is so.

And I will do my best to remind myself of this little humongous fact.

Thank you. From the bottom of our heart.

 

If you’ve read this far… Thanks for indulging me.

An invitation

I now invite you to contemplate in what ways you are grateful for and love your body.

And every time to find yourself fighting against it,pick one and focus on it.

These are your true thoughts about how you feel about your body, and anything else that comes up are insecurities trying to bring you back into the comfort zone of misery and self-doubt.

Loving your body (and your self) is a choice you make every time.

So…

 

Jump in!

And tell me, what part of your body do you choose to love more today? What are some of the things you would say to your body in your own love letter?

Tags: body image, confidence, gratitude, love letter, self love, self-esteem