Does this pattern look familiar?
This is the unconscious thought train that we often engage in when someone makes a comment about something that’s ours.
Most of the time, we are not aware of the connecting dots… Just that something hurts.
A pang in our heart, a tightness in our stomach, a rounding of our shoulders trying to protect us…
What do we have to do with that green? Nothing… It doesn’t define us. Yet, we feel hurt when someone says something negative about something we own or something that we’ve done.
We take it personally.
How can we get over this?
First of all, we need to understand that this pattern comes from our past.
There is something back there that taught us to react this way. To feel that we are not good enough because our things or something we did isn’t good enough.
There is no need to force ourselves to come up with the precise instance in which we learned this.
Our mind is a powerful analytical tool, but it doesn’t mean it always has the answers.
Plus, our mind in this case has a conflict of interests as its nature is to want to preserve the current state, to stay within its comfort zone. Finding out the answer to this question would rock its boat.
So just knowing that the origin of this pattern is somewhere in the past is enough… we’ve opened the door for the knowledge to surface on its own, when it’s the right time for us to be aware of it.
A feeling can be simultaneously legitimate and not true
Once we have the understanding that this pattern is something we learned, the second step is to start to become more aware of our reaction when these comments come up.
Without trying to change these thought/emotional pattern, we can hold the understanding that it’s a pattern that we don’t have to identify with.
Just because our initial reaction is to feel like the person is saying that we’re not good enough doesn’t mean that we have to believe this thought/feeling.
We can be aware of it, and at the same time that we allow this feeling to take place, also leave the window open to the feeling that, while that feeling is legitimate, it’s not true.
This is not repressing the feeling, for we are allowing ourselves to feel hurt, sad or angry by focusing on the sensations that these emotions create in our body. This allows us to release the emotion, instead of keeping it in.
But by not engaging in the story our mind is telling us (that there must be something wrong with us because we picked that green), we are creating some distance.
This leaves the window open for us to see beyond what our mind thinks, into our heart.
If we make room for that, our heart will tell us that we have nothing to do with the green yoga mat or whatever it is that the person is commenting on in that particular situation.
Slowly slowly, without engaging any force or discipline, without fighting our thoughts/emotions/sensations, the span of time between the time of our initial reaction and our seeing into our heart will become shorter.
Until we will be able to stand strong in our heart, unwavering, when comments about our actions, our belongings or our person come up.