How Am I Not Myself?


Recently, I re-watched one of my favorite all-time movies, <a title="I I ❤ Huckabees.

It’s one of those movies that, after watching it for the first time, you’re most likely reaction will be a big, fat… “Huh???

It’s a funny and intelligent mess, starting with a string of curses and a poem dedicated to a rock. (You rock, rock! and it certainly does rock.)

Which is why it’s on my list of favorites that I will watch again and again. Each time offers a different level of funniness and insight.
But I digress…

The reason I’m telling you about it is because there’s a line that has stuck with me since I re-watched I ❤ Huckabees a couple of weeks ago, and it keeps cropping up at the most random moments, sending me into loops.


How am I not myself?




How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself???

I feel like I’m a character in that other baffling mind-bender of a movie, Being John Malkovich. (“Malkovich, Malkovich? Malkovich. Malkovich?“… You get my point.)

I particularly love this scene because it is a clear display of how we create masks and stories and habits that we repeat over and over again so that others will like us.


But the question is… Even if we do create these stories, are we not being ourselves?

How are we not ourselves?

How am I not myself?

I talk a lot about allowing ourselves to be who we are, without masks… But the masks are a part of us too.

They served us in the past, but perhaps no longer do… Perhaps they are keeping us from connecting now, and being ourselves would mean putting the mask down and allowing ourselves to be visible without them.
In any case, the reason I wanted to share this is because by virtue of this line being stuck knocking around in my head like a pinball machine, I’ve been experiencing the most ridiculous moments of silly bliss.


Try it.

After repeating it a couple of times, it’s so ludicrous that you cannot help but start laughing like a liberated idiot.

It’s the best short-cut to meditation ever.


Jump in!

How was it? Did you laugh? Did you slip into Beingness? Did you think “Oh boy, somebody must have dropped Melody on her head when she was a baby“?

Leave your reaction in the comments section. Pretty please.


2 thoughts on “How Am I Not Myself?

  1. interesting thoughts. I’m probably not myself a good portion of the time – have a different mask for different occasions. At work I would never speak or act like I would if I were talking to an old friend from the neighborhood. With my children I always act like I have it all together and they are the ones that need to learn me. With myself I am the most confused. Being in a body (being human) is just a confusing process . Wait, I think I have it – perhaps we are not ourselves at all – just a representative of our high-selves – who ever the heck that is 🙂


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