“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.
I will meet you there.”
Have you ever noticed how we call people who dare to be different, or do things outside the norm, ‘shameless’?
We say it like it’s a bad thing.
But is it?
When you make it your life’s mission to guide people as they heal their shame, being shameless is the goal.
I mean… why would anyone want to have shame?
The feeling that comes up when we are scared of showing a part of ourselves we think is wrong or ‘not enough,’ shame by definition creates fragmentation and disconnection in our lives. Exactly the opposite of what we want: union, intimacy, connection.
So why is it that we call others ‘shameless’ as if it was an insult? As if being it is something to be avoided?
Implied in this language is an unconscious way to keep each other down. To stay within the norm and avoid standing out.
To hold back from expressing their true self, which is extraordinary, unique and different by definition.
Being called shameless is, as far as I’m concerned, a compliment. Something to aspire to.
You can be shameless now.
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
As proof, I invite you to be a shame exhibitionist for a while: whenever you feel it, share it. Tell someone about it, and you will see that it’s not the end of the world.
Not just that, but you will realize that that which you’ve been hiding is not as big a deal as it seemed. Most people will understand, and maybe even feel inspired by you to share their own shame.
How do I know this?
It’s one of my clients’ most common epiphanies, and they feel so liberated!
Most of us have been taught that we need to be or do different from how we already are or behave in order to receive/deserve love and appreciation.
This is what sets us up for feeling ‘wrong’ and ‘not enough’… and, yes, feeling shame about it.
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, take a risk, and show our shame, we will get one of two responses:
1) The other will understand, empathize and perhaps share their own stuff they’ve been afraid to let us know. We will both feel more connected and free to express ourselves.
Or, 2) the other will feel uncomfortable with our openness because of their own fear of making all of themselves visible. But somebody else’s inability to receive our whole self does not make us ‘wrong’ in any way. It’s not something to take personally.
In either case, being open about our shame will dissipate it because, by definition, it’s not shame anymore once we share it.
You can be shameless right now, just by letting go of this idea that you need to be anything other than who you already are. By accepting and loving yourself. No should, rights or wrongs.
Just beautiful, perfect you.
What are your thoughts/feelings on this subject? What has been your experience when you finally shared something you’d been keeping in? Please feel free to share.
As always, thie comments section is an advice-free area. We all have our stuff, and this is a place to share it without fear of being judged or told what to do.