Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books?
Oftentimes, we feel as though life throws things at us and we have no control over anything.
But what if that’s not true? What if all the ways in which we perceive the world were up to us to choose?
I have to admit, this is a lesson that keeps coming up time and time again. I learn it, I apply it, I thrive, I fall off the wagon, and…
DESPAIR. RESISTANCE. ANGER. SADNESS.
All beautiful emotions that make me human. I’m grateful for them, really… They are not the most comfortable thing to feel, but they bring with them so much growth and learning about myself.
And then, I get to FORGIVENESS… And I remember that I get to choose whether I believe the stories my mind spins.
This morning, as I was riding the subway to meet my accountant, it dawned on me for the umpteenth time that I didn’t have to.
In a moment of absolute clarity, the wisdom came from somewhere deep inside me and said there’s nothing to be sad or angry about because they are all just stories.
My mind remembers these things, but then I have to wait until my body catches up when it forgets. This is exactly what happened in that moment.
My body remembered.
And then, out of its own volition, it picked up my phone to type the following words up. I don’t know if it was for my benefit, yours, or ours… But here it is:
Are you plagued by feelings of unworthiness?
Feelings of not being good enough, of not deserving the good things that come your way in life?
What is your reaction when someone compliments you or praises you?
Are you able to fully receive it and feel deep inside…
Yes! I DID do a good job!
Yes! I DO look great!
Yes! I AM a good person/friend/mother/father/etc?
If the feeling that comes up when someone praises you or compliments you in any way, it’s one of distrust, of
Why is this person telling me this?
What do they want from me?
chances are that a part of you doesn’t feel deserving of it. Whatever that person’s motivation is (and that is something to take apart and judge separately), has nothing to do with whether you feel worthy of the praise or not.
So how can we get to the place where we do feel deserving?
Well, the reason we don’t is that at some point in time we have incorporated stories that say we don’t deserve it. That we need to be different from who we are, do things different from the way we would naturally do them, or just work our ass off to deserve anything.
Whether the story comes from your religion, your culture, your parents, teachers at school, or friends… The point is…
It is just a story.
When we recognize it as a story, we can choose to let it go. Or at the very least, choose not to believe it.
Every time this little voice comes up to tell you you are unworthy, not good enough, or undeserving… Take it in, embrace it lovingly and tell it gently that you appreciate it, but don’t believe it.
Agree to disagree.
And firmly add another voice to the party in your head:
I DO deserve this.
I AM good enough.
It is my birthright.
I love it when my wise body speaks so directly!
What is yours saying? What are some stories you are ready to let go off?