As those of you who’ve been following me for a while know, I used to teach about pleasure, femininity, and sensuality.
But this year, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from all that.
I’ve felt so disconnected in fact, that I started feeling like it was all fake and forced and inauthentic. Whenever I tried to bring myself to that place of being absorbed in my senses, my mind would start telling me how it would solve nothing and I was doomed.
Despite all this, or maybe because of me not having access to my tools of the past for a while, a lot of blind spots have been uncovered.
Things have been transforming and moving forward in ways that wouldn’t have happened had I not ‘fallen’ from my pleasure stand.
I am grateful for re-discovering the artist in me. The little girl who has always wanted to be a performer and sing on stage in front of people who want to hear me and see me express myself (and them) through my voice.
I am grateful to once again feel the creative impulse to make stuff, like jewelry and clothing and art.
I am grateful to know without a shadow of a doubt that I can pursue these things seriously, and not just as a hobby. Because I say so.
Still, the truth is that 2012 has been very painful for me.
I’ve been pretending that everything was ok when really I wasn’t allowing myself to just be and feel whatever I feel… The way I used to.
I’ve been making myself wrong for not doing enough, and thinking that I have to make a difference in a bigger way than just the medicine for the world that I carry which is myself. I had been disconnected from Tantra and Shamanism, two paths that are very dear to me and that have held so much healing.
The past 10 days have brought me back to mama Earth and to the Tantric practices of allowing my emotions to be there and feeling them fully and ecstatically, no matter what they are (‘positive’ or ‘negative’).
(Remember when I used to talk about that non-stop?)
Last night I went to a women’s circle (Thank you Isis and Cindy, and all the beautiful goddesses who joined me there!), and it brought me the last piece. I now remember why I loved those practices so much and how full they made me feel.
How complete and whole and perfect.
A lot of them center around being in my body, allowing myself to feel my emotions and tuning into my senses. It’s the complete opposite of what I have been practicing lately, which has been so masculine in it’s purpose, focus and goal-orientation.
So now I am excited to live myself into the juicy spot where making a difference the masculine way and allowing myself to be the difference dance a beautiful dance together. I don’t know this dance, but I cannot wait to learn and practice it.
So… My affirmation for the day is:
I am SENSUAL and FOCUSED.
As part of my commitment to my pleasure, today I decided to indulge in some delicious homemade gluten-free buckwheat pancakes. The recipe is below.
Thanks for reading, loves, and I hope you try the recipe out.
With gratitude and love always,
Fluffy Gluten-Free Buckwheat Pancakes (And I mean FLUFFY!)
Prep time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 25 minutes
This recipe made 8 medium pancakes. Adjust your ingredients according to the quantity you desire.
- 1/2 c. buckwheat flour
- 1/4 c. coconut flour
- 1/3 c. gluten-free flour mix (I used Bob’s Red Mill All Purpose Baking Flour)
- 2 tsp. agave syrup
- 2 tsp. baking powder
- 1/2 tsp. baking soda
- 1/4 tsp. salt
- 2/3 c. almond milk
- 1 egg
- 1/4 c. coconut oil
- In a medium bowl whisk together the flours, baking powder, baking soda, and salt
- In a separate bowl or glass measuring cup, combine the milk, egg, agave syrup and oil, beating slightly with a whisk (a fork will also do).
- Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and whisk together well.
- Let the batter sit and thicken for a few minutes while you heat a skillet or pan very hot.
- Spoon the batter onto the skillet. These brown quickly so turn them as soon as you see bubbles start to pop on top.
- Serve on plate with spatula and slather in your favorite syrup. I chose raw honey.
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