Happy ChooseDay, Beloveds!
I’ve been pondering a lot on one of the biggest lessons I learned while I was long-term traveling abroad by myself for the first time.
Things come back in this ever shifting spiral of experiences that we call Life, always deepening the roots of the lessons we have to learn.
I had *trained* myself to be a ‘good spiritual person;’ someone who doesn’t judge or get angry, who is always compassionate, and coming from a place of ‘oneness.’
I had a healing from the wonderful Ciara Kirby, and all that was wiped off.
I found all the anger I didn’t even know I had inside, and found myself being easily irritated by the smallest things. Things that I would have brushed off so easily before, they wouldn’t even have registered as irritants.
I did not like it one bit.
And I was scared that I was going to be like this for the rest of my life.
I had to let go of my past self, but what if I didn’t like the me I would become?
I had to develop such strong trust and faith in the process.
In the end, everything I has *trained* myself into came about again, but naturally and not from who I thought I ‘should’ be.
In loving myself as I was, even in those dark places I hadn’t known in me before, I found there was room for the anger, and the judgment, and the compassion, and the ‘oneness.’
After all, how could there be compassion for others if I wasn’t compassionate towards my own human emotions?
This goes for everyone.
You can try to force yourself into becoming the person you think you should be, or you can let go, trust the process, and melt into the person you are meant to be.
We live in a society that’s very much about achieving through discipline and force.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
There’s something beautiful and magical about the combination of letting go, and having trust, and having compassion for ourselves as we move through the process. It leads to a very powerful balance that feels right and true because we’re not shutting out any part of us.
We feel loved and enough because we are loved and enough by ourselves.
And that’s some powerful shit.