The fucking number on the scale (and how I stop myself from letting it rule my life)

161.

One-hundred-and-fucking-sixty-one.

That’s how much I weigh right now.

I had just stepped off the elliptical, where I was having a grand time enjoying myself as I danced/worked out to Sade and Sir-Mix-a-Lot, and then had the great idea of weighing myself.

throwing-away-the-weighing-scales-500

I knew I had gained some weight in the last couple of months due to some changes in my lifestyle, but I still felt sexy and attractive.

And seeing that number on the scale, even for me dear Lovers, was threatening to take all that goodness down.

I’m writing this post because you’ve often seen me write praise about my body parts and how much I love my body, but I don’t want to leave you with the impression that it’s always been like that.

I want to be very clear: I still have my insecurities. I am still at risk of being affected by this number.

I am not just blessed with natural confidence about my body image despite not matching the well-marketed version of beauty. I worked (and work) hard to earn it.

In moments like this, when my relationship to a number threatens my sense of self-esteem, I remind myself that just 5 seconds earlier I was enjoying the hell out of my body, feeling alive and sexy and having fun.

And my body weighed the same.

Why should a silly number make that difference?

And I simply don’t let it.

Instead, I think of how grateful I am for my body and how I was deriving so much pleasure from it seconds before. That is still possible; still available to me.

I consciously decouple my ability to enjoy life from how much I weigh, because they have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

It’s just how I relate to that number that threatens my pleasure and joy, not the number itself.

So I get compassionate about it.

I hear myself being upset about it and don’t make myself wrong for it.

I listen to the fears and insecurities of what that part of myself thinks it means that I gained this weight. That I’m less worthy in some way. Less lovable. Less successful.

And while I listen, I also don’t believe it.

Because none of those are true.

I credit my ability to both be self-compassionate with myself and not make myself wrong for having these insecurities while also keeping myself clear with the reality that they are unfounded for my body confidence.

No, it’s not that I don’t have insecurities. They still crop up now and again.

But I don’t let them rule me and I keep my attention on what’s really true.

Soon enough, by virtue of not giving them credibility, the insecurities pass… and as my attention goes back to what’s real and pleasurable in the moment, I remember how much I love this body.

And myself.

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Did you find this useful? What’s it like for you when you see that number on the scale?
LovelinessFor more of my personal experiences navigating the full-on intensity of what it takes to have an exciting, scrumptious life that makes you want to lick your fingers, subscribe to my blog.
And if you’re ready to take the plunge, step out of your box, and commit to living your best life ever, go ahead: email me to melody@nakedwellness.com to set up your complimentary connection session. I might poke… but only out of love. 😉
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4 thoughts on “The fucking number on the scale (and how I stop myself from letting it rule my life)

  1. Wow, I really relate to this post as I’ve also been dismayed by my recent weight gain. I’m trying to use self-love rather than shame to motivate myself into better eating, and I’m grateful for how good I felt after I worked out yesterday. Thanks for sharing Melody!

    Like

  2. Hi I just discovered your blog today and find your posts really inspiring. I just subscribed, too. I struggle with body image/eating disorder so to hear that you have confidence is encouraging. Looking forward to more posts. Tom

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Tom. I’ve definitely struggled with body image and feeling good about my body. It’s an ongoing project, but very much doable to develop a more posotive relationship with ourselves.

      I’m glad you’re feeling inspired and encouraged. That’s exactly why I shared this!

      Looking forward to more sharing!

      Like

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