I’m feeling sad and angry

Woke up feeling sad and pissed off. And I’m not going to ‘fix’ it.

Sometimes (most times, I would argue), you just need to let the feelings be instead of judging them and calling them wrong.

Trying to manage and change your emotional experience all the time not only is exhausting, but also sends a signal to yourself that you’re not ok as you are.

That there’s something wrong with you for feeling the way you feel.

And even when you have no clue why you’re feeling that way, it’s best to practice acceptance of what is.

It’s a practice of self-love, no matter how you feel.

And the other gift it brings, asides from confidence, freedom and enjoyment, is that in letting yourself feel the feeling, you gain insights on yourself and your patterns that you wouldn’t have gotten otherwise.

Don’t chop yourself off from your feelings.

It’s inflicting self-violence and it only leads to fragmentation and disconnection.

So take a deep breath, and feel what’s there to feel without judgment.

I promise you’ll feel massive amounts of self-love, gratitude, and love for people and life.

  

Wake Up with Me

I recently committed to 3 hours of movement per week.

My body has been asking for it, and I’ve been much too sedentary since I’ve been working so much with my computer.

I fell into a rut of feeling too tired to exercise, which was enabling a downward spiral of staying put >> low energy >> staying put.

I did pretty goody the first week, but it felt constraining after, and I’ve been moving around so much that making it to the gym has been a bit of a challenge.

I thought my commitment to movement had to be something like working out at the gym or some formal class.

Instead of giving up, I decided to include movement in all forms, and counting dance breaks and walks and stretching into the 3-hours per week commitment.

The last few days I started adding back a practice of stretching and dancing in the morning, to warm up my muscles, wake up my body and ground into it to start the day deliciously.

This is the result:

 

I’ve found, or rather ‘re-membered,’ that this morning ritual shifts completely whatever I was feeling, that I can tap into the wisdom in my body, and it wakes up my appetite for something healthy and nourishing, as opposed to some sweet treat in the morning.

It frees up my back, I feel lighter and more nimble, and it sets me up to make decisions based on what is good for me instead of what feels good in the moment.

I find myself fighting less with myself and having to use my will power a lot less. Instead, I just feel like doing what I need to be doing for myself.

It’s fantastic, and I’m so happy I’m remembering this practice and feel so committed to continuing it.

And it occurred to me, that perhaps you’d like to come along for the ride.

Soooo…. I’ve been toying with the idea of a series called Wake Up With Melody, where I post a video of my morning routine, share about the music, and thoughts on current events and something to inspire you.

What do you think? What kinds of things would you like to see in this series?

Don’t be shy! Let me know in the comments!

And if you’d like to receive these, please sign up for the mailing list here.

This is your formal invitation into a more intimate slice of my life, where you get to wake up with me and maybe dance along.

Big love and gratitude always,

 

Melody

I Can’t Keep Living a Lie

  
Is it courage? Maybe… Or maybe it’s just necessity.

I can’t keep living a lie… Or maybe not a lie, but the things that are not as true for me as this.

(Sometimes I think I lack conviction, but this here is proof that it’s not true… I actually have a lot of it. Maybe too much.)

Maybe this is reckless and not how ‘life should be lived.’

But there’s so many ways to live life. Why listen to those who don’t choose deliberately, but follow and conform to the default?

Are they happier?

Not really… They are just more comfortable.

[Excerpt from my written musings this morning. Picture taken of chocolat chaud and a cafe creme at Cafe de Flore, one of the oldest and most prestigious coffee houses in Paris, where (eventually) famous writers and philosophers used to sit, ponder and discuss life].

On Being Selfish

  

  

For the artist, the best work comes through unfiltered expression. Trying to compromise to be liked, to entertain, to make bank, will always result in diluted work and also dissatisfaction.
It’s rare to find instances where selfishness is named as something good, but in this instance, selfishness is actually what benefits both the artist and the audience.

In our lives, it often happens also, that we compromise and shortchange ourselves to please others. Out of fear of looking bad, losing friends, losing respect, not being liked.

But what if we were convinced of our worth and value, so much so that we weren’t stopped by the thought of how it will be received? What if our confidence and comfort with our full range of emotions (including loneliness) was so unshakeable that we didn’t feel the need to shrink to please others or fit in? What if we put ourselves first, fill ourselves up, so that we can be of service to others?

I bet that courage and self-expression would be a huge inspiration, and a huge contribution to everyone around us.

Sometimes what feels selfish can be the thing that’s necessary, the thing that makes way for whatever is wanting to be given through us (sometimes without our knowing), to come through.

So the question is… Who are we NOT to be selfish

 People might be missing out on gifts because we are so fucking busy trying to be liked.

He Strikes Again: Dealing With That Loud Inner Critic

It’s a great practice to not compare ourselves so much with others. Or at the very least, to use it for inspiration instead of tearing ourselves down.

I have to admit, as I do my research to see who my ‘competition’ for my upcoming offerings is and even just as I scroll through my news feeds on various social media platforms, it’s so easy for my insecure inner critic to start telling me how I can’t do what they are doing.

It looks at offerings similar to what I want to do and says that it’s already out there and no one will care. That I shouldn’t even bother.

Give up. You’re not good enough.

Yes. That’s there.

the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we judge ourselves by our content and everyone else by their cover quote Melody Kiersz

Didn’t your mama teach you?

And at the same time, there’s another voice that’s whispering and less audible, but I can hear it.

It says,…

It’s so awesome that those offerings exist because people are getting so much value out of them, feeling better about themselves and gaining power and confidence. That’s what we want, no? Even if it’s not through US.

Plus, your offering is not exactly the same and it comes through you. It has a different voice, and you can reach different people. Isn’t that cool?

And yes, isn’t that cool? I think so.

Of course, I don’t want to make the critic wrong: he is there because he wants me to stay safe, instead of risk what he sees as sure rejection.

I tell it firmly, that just because certain things didn’t work out in the past doesn’t mean they won’t work out now. I’m older and wiser and learned from my mistakes, and I’m also learning a lot more about marketing. And I thank him for his input, because I know he does it out of wanting to take care of me.

Whenever I hear this comparing critic, I thank him for wanting to protect me. Then I look for that other voice which isn’t as strident and pay more attention to what she’s saying. She inspires me to get out of my comfort zone and move forward.

Jump in!

How do you deal with your inner critic? What are some of the voices that keep you from putting your authentic heart desires and offerings out there?

Why Feminism Is Still Necessary

I’m so happy and proud and grateful to live in a time and place where women have more respect and freedom than they have in a very long time, quite possibly ever.

And I have to admit that for a while, I felt we were done. Women enjoyed the same rights as men. There was no more need for feminism, and feminists were angry women who were mad at men.

In fact, I was a bit pissed off at feminists because they confused men into thinking women don’t like things like them opening the door for us, helping us to carry things, you know,… chivalry. Or worse, men became so scared of being called a creep that they stopped giving compliments or asking women out even when she’s giving clear signals that she’s interested.

Things certainly have gotten very confusing when it comes to dating since the women’s liberation movement and sexual revolution.

I told people I was a ‘femininist,’ not a feminist.  I was (and still am) interested in women finding power in their femininity, not in trying to be more like men and do everything men can do. I have no problem admitting that I like being helped with certain things; why do it myself when someone who is more naturally capable of doing something can and is willing to do it for me? It’s not that I can’t do it, but why would I when I don’t have to?

In fact, I felt being called a feminist was a bit of an insult in a way, because I didn’t want to be lumped in with the ‘angry women’ who hate men (I love Chimananda Adichie’s talk on this subject, by the way). I didn’t want to be part of creating that confusion.

(Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s wonderful that we don’t have to adhere to traditional gender roles… AND I also happen to enjoy those gender roles in my love life, so it’s frustrating for me when men don’t know how to behave around me. I think part of the success of 50 Shades of Grey can be attributed to a lot of women wanting this kind of dynamic between men and women in the bedroom, especially when we’ve had to become so dominant and masculine in the rest of our lives to succeed in a man’s world. But that’s another blog post).

But over the last few years and as I get older, my eyes have been opened. And you know what? There’s still plenty to be angry about.

Annie Lennox does a fantastic job of highlighting some of the inequalities and fundamental rights violations that are still happening every day in her article on The Guardian.

From the article:

• Women account for two-thirds of all working hours and produce half the world’s food, but earn only 10% of global income and own 1% of property.

• Though women make up half the global population, they represent 70% of the world’s poor.

• Women and girls aged 15–44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than they are war, cancer, malaria and traffic accidents.

• At least one in three women around the world have been beaten, coerced into sex or abused in their lifetime.

• Between 1.5 million and 3 million girls and women die each year because of gender-based violence.

• Between 700,000 and 4 million girls and women are sold into prostitution each year.

• 99% of maternal deaths occur in developing countries, with women dying of pregnancy-related causes at the rate of one a minute.

• Women account for nearly two-thirds of the world’s 780 million people who cannot read.

• 41 million girls worldwide are still denied a primary education.

• Globally, only one in five parliamentarians are women.

This is globally.

And even in developed countries where we’ve made huge advances (though equally qualified women still earn less than men for the same position), women face discrimination from men and even other women in the workplace because they might become pregnant or they already have children, which is interpreted as having less of a commitment to the job getting excellently done.

We still have a culture of women (and, admittedly, increasingly men) being valued for their appearance and sex appeal, which keeps us all focused on how we can get that ‘perfect’ body and perfect look while also keeping off unwanted and possibly unsafe attention, instead of all the good we could create in the world.

March 8 is International Women’s Day, but a women’s day it’s not just for women: the changes that need to happen requires all of us to look within and see how unconscious inherited behaviors and prejudices we hold against each other (because of gender, race, age, sexual orientation, religion, etc) keep the world hostage from the positive ripple effect that would be possible if we were all truly equal.

At its core, feminism is about equality for everyone. And in the end, I’m proud to call myself a feminist.

Let’s make this one count.



women's day

The answer is ‘No’

If you liked this post and the sentiment it expresses, please share it. It takes a second, and every little thing counts when it comes to transforming this world into an even more beautiful place. Let’s do it together!

Putting the Slow First

As I lay in the sauna with nothing to do except breathe and sweat, I heard it.

It sounded like a whisper at first, but as I noticed it became loud and clear:

You haven’t been paying attention  to me.

That’s what my body was saying.

I was quite surprised. I had been feeling out of alignment and was doing everything I knew to get back into it: eating healthy, exercising, even self-care practices like the sauna…

But it was rote.

I had been going through the motions of what I thought would get me back in touch, the things that had worked in the past.

But I wasn’t really listening.

There was always a barrage of things going through my mind at the same time I did all these things. All the things that I should be doing, that needed to get done.

All the while, my body had been screaming that I needed to slow down but I kept not paying attention because… well, shit needed to get done, bills paid, and slowing down was not an option.

I’d been operating from an ‘I know better’ capacity from my mind, totally immersed on trying to control my experience instead of listening to the wisdom within.

Even I, professing about the wisdom in the body and listening to it, even I fell into this hamster wheel of how things ‘should be’ so I can get the things I want.

I laugh because… Oh, the irony!

I used to teach that slowing down needed to come first and these were the exact things my clients used to tell me.

And I would say that slowing down is how we reconnect and recharge and get clear so all that action is focused instead of all over the place.

Slowing down makes our minds clearer and gets us in touch with another source of intelligence, our bodies. We get more creative and make better decisions which are more fulfilling; we feel more at peace and focused action comes from a place of inspiration instead of from anxiety, stress, and seeking approval.

And it’s still true, but I had forgotten.

Slow and steady wins the race

Slow and steady wins the race

I hadn’t been trusting that wisdom in my body, but when somehow I heard that faint whisper in the sauna… tears started streaming down my cheeks because I remembered.

Re-membered.

It’s not worth it to get the things you want, but not be able to enjoy them because your thoughts are telling you something is not perfect or to get on to the next thing that just appeared in your list.

There’s no enjoyment in that, and life will always feel like a never-ending list of tasks if lived that way.

I’m not bashing the mind; it’s an incredible tool. But it needs to be applied where appropriate and not where it’s not.

And I’ve not been doing a good job of distinguishing that.

Sometimes we need to buckle down and just get shit done even if it’s not what we feel like doing, but that’s not where the difference lies.

The difference is in whether we’re taking action out of creativity or out of trying to compensate for a perceived lack.

The first one will feel great even if we don’t feel like doing the proverbial ass-in-chair method, the second one will always feel draining in the end because we’re chasing the dragon of approval, ours or someone else’s.

Practicing slowing down and putting everything that needs to ‘get done’ aside is an excellent way to fill ourselves up with that approval and self-acceptance that we don’t need to be anything other than what we are right now, so that our actions can come from a place of offering instead of taking.

And so what if progress is slower? It’s still progress and it will feel a hell of a lot better throughout the journey and when we get ‘there’.

It’s time to put the slow first.

Will you join me?


LovelinessFor more of my personal experiences navigating the full-on intensity of what it takes to have an exciting, scrumptious life that makes you want to lick your fingers, subscribe to my blog.
And if you’re ready to take the plunge, step out of your box, and commit to living your best life ever, go ahead: email me to melody@nakedwellness.com to set up your complimentary connection session. I might poke… but only out of love.

I would love to know what comes up for you when you’re asked to slow down.

For me, the fear is that I won’t get the things I want and I’ll have wasted my life doing nothing. Yet I’ve tried it both ways and seen that it’s not worth it when I get what I want but cannot appreciate it.

There is a precious integration that happens when we can get our ass-in-chair out of inspiration and commitment instead of a perceived sense that we lack something to be lovable or successful.

Your turn to share!
What to Do with Regrets

What to Do with Regrets

Sometimes there’s things we’ve done that we wish we hadn’t. Or things happen that are out of our control. What can we do? While we cannot change the past, we can take a look to see the part we  played … Continue reading

Love As Our Access to Reality

Hello, lovelies!

I’m going to get slightly esoteric here, but it’s really in a very practical context.

Most of the time we spend going around riding the thoughts in our heads. Often, this means we’re disconnected from what is actually happening, potentially coming up with negative self-talk or disempowering ways of looking at things, and very likely missing out on opportunities to connect, create, or be intimate with others.

In short, we are missing out on life, and on feeling complete and fulfilled with things as they are.

I want to offer something here:

Love is the access.

Love is being in touch, literally and figuratively.

I’m not talking about fluffy pink Love (which is a very nice feeling, but not what I’m addressing right now).

When defined as choosing what is as it is and as it isn’t, Love is actually the way we connect with reality.

It is Presence, and in allowing what is to be as it is, we can actually be with it instead of with our interpretations about it in our heads.

I’m not advocating chucking thoughts away either. The mind is a very useful tool.

What I am saying is that thoughts are most powerful when they follow Love’s lead.

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New Class, and Amanda Palmer & The Art of Asking

Happy Sunday, darlings!

I hope your weekend is going fantastic, and that you’re planning on doing something scrumptious for yourself today. [If you’re not, then add that to your list for the day now.]

Before I announce my upcoming series of live embodiment classes in NYC, I wanted to share with you this TEDTalk by musician Amanda Palmer, lead singer and songwriter of Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra.

She makes some interesting points about crowdsourcing, and creating trust, vulnerability and connection in the music industry. But I think these are also points that can be taken outside of the industry context and into life in general.

At the end, she expresses her belief that the music industry has been asking the wrong question: ‘How do we get people to pay for music?,’ instead of ‘How do we let people pay for music?’

Taking her thoughts on just simply asking, isn’t it the same when it comes to the things we want in life that require other people’s cooperation?

Instead of (consciously or unconsciously) manipulating people to get them to give us or create for us what we want, how precious would it be to just ask and let them give us the gift of what we are desiring? How much pleasure and/or joy would they get from getting to fulfill our wants or needs?

Personally, I cam say that I love it when people make their wants/needs clear to me. I get to give them a gift.

Speaking of which, this coming Monday (March 18) I’m starting a series of classes on embodiment, presence, emotional release and just plain deliciousness to be taught live in NYC once a month.

For the first installment, we will be slipping into our body with some grounding practices focusing on releasing and reconnecting with our pelvic area. After that, we will move into a couple of Osho dynamic meditations, Latihan and Kundalini Meditation.

The first one works wonders when it comes to sinking into our bodies and inducing a real awareness of our senses that brings us into the clear and present moment. It’s quite trascendental in a way that is also very pleasurable.

As for Kundalini Meditation, it is comprised of 4 parts, each of which is 15 minutes long: shaking, dancing, stillness and silence. This practice is a huge release of pent up emotions and blockages in the body, and it’s energizing, uplifting and calming at the same time.

I can’t wait to share these with you tomorrow!

To pre-register and get a $10 discount, please go here. Otherwise, your investment will be $25 at the door.

Here are the details:

Fun & Practical Tools to BE HERE NOW

Monday March 18, 7 – 9 pm

36 Street Studios, Studio A

260 W 36th Street, 3rd Floor (at 8th Ave)

$15 with pre-registration at http://beherenow.eventbrite.com/

$25 at the door

Love, pleasure and gratitude always,

Melody