I’m feeling sad and angry

Woke up feeling sad and pissed off. And I’m not going to ‘fix’ it.

Sometimes (most times, I would argue), you just need to let the feelings be instead of judging them and calling them wrong.

Trying to manage and change your emotional experience all the time not only is exhausting, but also sends a signal to yourself that you’re not ok as you are.

That there’s something wrong with you for feeling the way you feel.

And even when you have no clue why you’re feeling that way, it’s best to practice acceptance of what is.

It’s a practice of self-love, no matter how you feel.

And the other gift it brings, asides from confidence, freedom and enjoyment, is that in letting yourself feel the feeling, you gain insights on yourself and your patterns that you wouldn’t have gotten otherwise.

Don’t chop yourself off from your feelings.

It’s inflicting self-violence and it only leads to fragmentation and disconnection.

So take a deep breath, and feel what’s there to feel without judgment.

I promise you’ll feel massive amounts of self-love, gratitude, and love for people and life.

  

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It All Counts (On Softening, Trust and Gratitude)

  I’m proud of myself that I started my day with answering a few emails, and then immediately jumping onto my mat and doing an hour of stretching/yoga.

It felt good to spend time with my body again, even if my mind was wandering most of the time.

It will come.

Towards the end, when I was doing some simple sun salutations, I was filled with gratitude and chose to practice some self-forgiveness.

I’ve been so hard on myself in the last few years,  keeping myself in a holding belt of constant self-judgment, criticism, and bullshit that led to self-doubt, sticky stuckness, and the inability to trust myself.

And then beating myself up for not being able to move past all this, on top of it.

[Note: yes, even I, get into loops of stuckness and paralysis born out of self-punishing thoughts. It’s time I shed the layers of shame about it, and show up as I am: human.]

I felt myself soften today.

Felt so much gratitude for just being alive. For this experience and all the experiences I’ve had in this life, the good and the bad.

Even if the bad are not completely resolved and I don’t know if they will be.

I’m grateful to be alive.

And I guess it doesn’t much matter what I do with this life as much as it matters that I live it and that I’m alive.

It all counts.

It’s all experience.

I feel softer, slightly, towards myself.

The choices I’ve made have brought me to this moment, and this moment, feeling this gratitude filling every corner of my being, is precious.

I want to cry but the tears aren’t coming yet.

All in due time.

I know my undoing is coming, and it’s coming softly.

Unravel. Unfold. Unfurl.

The chrysalis comes to mind. That mush that isn’t formed, which will become a butterfly but has no shape yet.

In this place, I trust.

  

Wake Up with Me

I recently committed to 3 hours of movement per week.

My body has been asking for it, and I’ve been much too sedentary since I’ve been working so much with my computer.

I fell into a rut of feeling too tired to exercise, which was enabling a downward spiral of staying put >> low energy >> staying put.

I did pretty goody the first week, but it felt constraining after, and I’ve been moving around so much that making it to the gym has been a bit of a challenge.

I thought my commitment to movement had to be something like working out at the gym or some formal class.

Instead of giving up, I decided to include movement in all forms, and counting dance breaks and walks and stretching into the 3-hours per week commitment.

The last few days I started adding back a practice of stretching and dancing in the morning, to warm up my muscles, wake up my body and ground into it to start the day deliciously.

This is the result:

 

I’ve found, or rather ‘re-membered,’ that this morning ritual shifts completely whatever I was feeling, that I can tap into the wisdom in my body, and it wakes up my appetite for something healthy and nourishing, as opposed to some sweet treat in the morning.

It frees up my back, I feel lighter and more nimble, and it sets me up to make decisions based on what is good for me instead of what feels good in the moment.

I find myself fighting less with myself and having to use my will power a lot less. Instead, I just feel like doing what I need to be doing for myself.

It’s fantastic, and I’m so happy I’m remembering this practice and feel so committed to continuing it.

And it occurred to me, that perhaps you’d like to come along for the ride.

Soooo…. I’ve been toying with the idea of a series called Wake Up With Melody, where I post a video of my morning routine, share about the music, and thoughts on current events and something to inspire you.

What do you think? What kinds of things would you like to see in this series?

Don’t be shy! Let me know in the comments!

And if you’d like to receive these, please sign up for the mailing list here.

This is your formal invitation into a more intimate slice of my life, where you get to wake up with me and maybe dance along.

Big love and gratitude always,

 

Melody

I Used to Hate My Thighs

I used to hate my thighs, and yet there were so many guys I was with who would exclaim, completely unprompted by me, how much they loved my thick thighs.

It took a while, but I eventually dropped these negative thoughts about them.And the thing that did it, was when I realized that of course my thighs are that thick… cuz how else would my body carry all of the juiciness necessary to create life??
  It was a really profound moment when I looked down, saw my thighs, and saw myself as a living breathing fertility sculpture.
There’s a reason why those are always round and juicy!

And when I say fertility, I don’t just mean to make babies but the whole arena of creation. That’s what us women are: the full life force of CREATION.

Our flesh carries in it the potential and juice to literally create and push life forward in the shape of babies, art, projects, nurturing, businesses, and anything else that wants to be birthed through us.
And that’s a great great thing!
Tell me, is there a part of your body you spend a lot of time trying to camouflage, hide, wishing others didn’t see or make smaller?

Share in the comments and I’ll share with you ways to stop the madness and start loving your body, yourself and your life.

Uncomfortable Yet Fulfilling Truths

I'm not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you comfortable / confidence speak up quote

After a few painful experiences that left me lost, confused and without trusting myself, the last couple of years have seen me shrink in my ability to speak up and say what I think out of fear of being wrong, being judged, not being liked or losing friendships or connections.

I doubted the value of what I had to say, so I didn’t say much.

I thought,

Who am I to say this? There’s so many ways of looking at things, what if I’m wrong and this person takes my word for it and their life goes on a different direction because of something I said?

 

I didn’t want to take responsibility for that because I wasn’t sure of what I believed anymore.

This had an effect, not only on my personal life but also in my work. How could I tell other people how to live more fulfilling lives when I was stuck in this cycle? When I was doubting the very foundation of how I live my life?

This is why I hadn’t been as active in my offerings for a while.

Can you relate with this pervasive self-doubt?

Over the last year, I’ve been finding this trust in myself again, being surer of my convictions, how I see life and what’s important.

I’m finding my voice again.

And with that, came the risks of uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes even the guilt of possibly having hurt someone’s feelings or upset them out of being more true to myself.

Ouch!

Just a couple days ago, I was having a conversation with someone in which I shared my point of view on a few things. Unbeknownst to me, this person was upset by what I said and they sent me an email about it later. And I had to sit with it, feeling the consequences of simply saying what I thought about something.

Part of me thought,

I went too far.

I stepped on this person’s toes and it was none of my business!

I shouldn’t have said this. I should have said it in a different way.

I should have waited until another time to say it.

 

And other things along those lines.

But then this other thought came:

I was just sharing what I thought, without any ill intention. It’s unfortunate that’s how this person received it, but I really had no control over that in this particular situation because I really didn’t say anything hurtful. I had no control over how this person would interpret things.

 

There are situations in which we need to be mindful of our words and delivery, for sure.

In this case, I didn’t know the topic was so touchy that I needed to watch out for that. The guilt I felt was unfounded.

So I came to the conclusion that, while I’m sorry the person was upset, I couldn’t have done anything differently… and I wasn’t going to let an incident like this shrink my belief in myself and what I had to say.

Sharing what we think can definitely be unpleasant sometimes, but it’s important that we say YES to ourselves.

Every time we choose to speak up instead of shrink, is an act of self-love. [Tweet it!]

And it builds on itself. We feel more solid each time.

This is not to say that we don’t consider other people’s feelings and how to communicate things before we do (I don’t believe in categorical not caring about what others think/feel as a result of our choices; there is always room for discernment), it just means we consider ourselves first.

Whatever discomfort we have to go through to be truer to ourselves, is worth it.

Living a life held back by fear of what others will think is not only painful, but incredibly unfulfilling. It might feel safer, but we’re the one inside the cage.

So:

I’m not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you (or myself) comfortable.

 

Who says it with me?

Please share how this resonates in the comments, and share this post with others if you believe in the power that lies in speaking your truth.

He Strikes Again: Dealing With That Loud Inner Critic

It’s a great practice to not compare ourselves so much with others. Or at the very least, to use it for inspiration instead of tearing ourselves down.

I have to admit, as I do my research to see who my ‘competition’ for my upcoming offerings is and even just as I scroll through my news feeds on various social media platforms, it’s so easy for my insecure inner critic to start telling me how I can’t do what they are doing.

It looks at offerings similar to what I want to do and says that it’s already out there and no one will care. That I shouldn’t even bother.

Give up. You’re not good enough.

Yes. That’s there.

the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we judge ourselves by our content and everyone else by their cover quote Melody Kiersz

Didn’t your mama teach you?

And at the same time, there’s another voice that’s whispering and less audible, but I can hear it.

It says,…

It’s so awesome that those offerings exist because people are getting so much value out of them, feeling better about themselves and gaining power and confidence. That’s what we want, no? Even if it’s not through US.

Plus, your offering is not exactly the same and it comes through you. It has a different voice, and you can reach different people. Isn’t that cool?

And yes, isn’t that cool? I think so.

Of course, I don’t want to make the critic wrong: he is there because he wants me to stay safe, instead of risk what he sees as sure rejection.

I tell it firmly, that just because certain things didn’t work out in the past doesn’t mean they won’t work out now. I’m older and wiser and learned from my mistakes, and I’m also learning a lot more about marketing. And I thank him for his input, because I know he does it out of wanting to take care of me.

Whenever I hear this comparing critic, I thank him for wanting to protect me. Then I look for that other voice which isn’t as strident and pay more attention to what she’s saying. She inspires me to get out of my comfort zone and move forward.

Jump in!

How do you deal with your inner critic? What are some of the voices that keep you from putting your authentic heart desires and offerings out there?

The Most Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift is NOT Self-Love

Hi Lovers!

It’s been a rollercoaster ride the last couple years, but I had a pretty huge epiphany recently that the reason I haven’t been s clear and powerful as I had in the past (or that’s how I see it anyway) is that I haven’t been being honest with myself.

I’ve been scared of my own self-judgment, and that has made me so sensitive and reactive to that of others. Even when it’s not judgment but loving constructive criticism, I haven’t been able to receive it because it requires me to look at the stuff that I don’t want to see.

All the stuff I’m not liking about myself.

All the stuff that’s lurking underneath, which I cannot see.

The stuff I’m ashamed of, but I don’t know it yet.

Whenever someone tries to help me and support me in my pursuit of happiness, I feel really stressed out and vulnerable and I want to push them away.

I get defensive because, to me, it’s as if they were saying “Hey! Look at this! Look at all the stuff that’s wrong with you that you’re trying really hard not to see!’

Ugh. And I really don’t want to see it… But I can’t keep going like this because I’m hurting myself by doing so. I’m shooting myself in the foot.

So, I’ve arrived at this place again, where I get to practice looking inwards paired with not making myself wrong in the deepest of ways.

As I say, just cuz I don’t like it, it doesn’t mean I cannot love it.

This means that self-love alone is not enough.

As powerful as positive affirmations can be, we’re not really loving ourselves if we’re glossing over the things we have a hard time looking at with an ‘I love myself.

No matter how sincere it is and how much we want to believe it, if the shame or criticism is deep enough, saying that will only trigger thoughts of how that’s not true.

No.

Really loving ourselves takes the courage to look at all our shit, and once we’re clear on what it is we are NOT loving, only then can we start developing our compassion for ourselves.

Start to soften our harshness and self-judgment and drop the self-criticism, even while we don’t make ourselves wrong for criticizing ourselves.

And only after THAT, can we begin to have the conversations we need to have with these parts of ourselves. Practice some deep listening to see what they are scared of, what it is that they serve.

There’s always some way in which these little voices of criticism are trying to protect us, or serve a deep need.

And by knowing what that need is, we can come up with a healthier way to fulfill it that doesn’t get in the way of our living a life that we really love.

Developing that business.
Meeting that life partner.
Creating our masterpiece.
Having deeply satisfying friendships.
Putting ourselves out in the world.

On this Valentine’s Day, make sure you practice some REAL self-love by making some time to get honest with yourself.

truth_or_consequences

So let’s be honest… What’s the thing you’re not wanting to look at? What’s the reason you don’t want to see it?

In the upcoming posts, I’ll be looking at all the ways we keep ourselves from being true to ourselves and why. And as I go through the process of untangling myself, I will also share what I’m doing to develop the courage to stop running away and look within.

Stay tuned.

The fucking number on the scale (and how I stop myself from letting it rule my life)

161.

One-hundred-and-fucking-sixty-one.

That’s how much I weigh right now.

I had just stepped off the elliptical, where I was having a grand time enjoying myself as I danced/worked out to Sade and Sir-Mix-a-Lot, and then had the great idea of weighing myself.

throwing-away-the-weighing-scales-500

I knew I had gained some weight in the last couple of months due to some changes in my lifestyle, but I still felt sexy and attractive.

And seeing that number on the scale, even for me dear Lovers, was threatening to take all that goodness down.

I’m writing this post because you’ve often seen me write praise about my body parts and how much I love my body, but I don’t want to leave you with the impression that it’s always been like that.

I want to be very clear: I still have my insecurities. I am still at risk of being affected by this number.

I am not just blessed with natural confidence about my body image despite not matching the well-marketed version of beauty. I worked (and work) hard to earn it.

In moments like this, when my relationship to a number threatens my sense of self-esteem, I remind myself that just 5 seconds earlier I was enjoying the hell out of my body, feeling alive and sexy and having fun.

And my body weighed the same.

Why should a silly number make that difference?

And I simply don’t let it.

Instead, I think of how grateful I am for my body and how I was deriving so much pleasure from it seconds before. That is still possible; still available to me.

I consciously decouple my ability to enjoy life from how much I weigh, because they have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

It’s just how I relate to that number that threatens my pleasure and joy, not the number itself.

So I get compassionate about it.

I hear myself being upset about it and don’t make myself wrong for it.

I listen to the fears and insecurities of what that part of myself thinks it means that I gained this weight. That I’m less worthy in some way. Less lovable. Less successful.

And while I listen, I also don’t believe it.

Because none of those are true.

I credit my ability to both be self-compassionate with myself and not make myself wrong for having these insecurities while also keeping myself clear with the reality that they are unfounded for my body confidence.

No, it’s not that I don’t have insecurities. They still crop up now and again.

But I don’t let them rule me and I keep my attention on what’s really true.

Soon enough, by virtue of not giving them credibility, the insecurities pass… and as my attention goes back to what’s real and pleasurable in the moment, I remember how much I love this body.

And myself.

Jump in!
Did you find this useful? What’s it like for you when you see that number on the scale?
LovelinessFor more of my personal experiences navigating the full-on intensity of what it takes to have an exciting, scrumptious life that makes you want to lick your fingers, subscribe to my blog.
And if you’re ready to take the plunge, step out of your box, and commit to living your best life ever, go ahead: email me to melody@nakedwellness.com to set up your complimentary connection session. I might poke… but only out of love. 😉

Something Quite Wonderful Happened the Other Day

Something quite wonderful happened the other day, and it brought a beautiful epiphany with it.

I had the joy and pleasure of spending 2 1/2 weeks with a man that shows up and respects me and loves me up in the best of ways, without making me wrong in any way when I behave in a way that doesn’t suit him.

Talking about it, yes. But no shaming.

It has been beautiful, and now he is back in Germany.

I could share with you at length about how healing this has been in terms of experiencing what it’s like to be with someone that won’t blame me, run away, treat me like a child or shrink himself to avoid confrontations. And maybe I will later on.

But the point of this particular post is something else.

The day he left, while there was some sadness, I was so full.

So at peace.

My heart felt open, my chest expanded, my shoulders back…

And I noticed people, especially other men, interacting with me in a different way.

I found it curious and amusing.

What was different?

Ah! As I walked, there was a calmness about me.

I was so full, that there was none of that internal sense of seeking, wanting, desiring attention or love from others.

I was just walking and enjoying my walk for myself.

It felt good, and I realized that this is the reason for that mysterious ‘when it rains, it pours’ effect that happens whenever we start seeing someone and all of a sudden more people hit on us.

But that wasn’t the epiphany I mentioned at the beginning.

That one came the next day, when I went to Daybreaker, a morning dance party (best way to start your day!).

As I danced, I noticed myself comparing myself to others.

Oh, she dances better! Oh, he’s getting attention! She’s so hot!

I noticed my dance became about getting attention. Out-sexying others.

When I tuned in, I could feel that vacuum feeling of seeking, needing, wanting that love and approval from others.

And I had a mini freak-out, cuz I didn’t want to lose the sense of fullness I had had up until that moment.

I looked around, and I saw so many people doing the same. And others who weren’t at all concerned with that, and just having a good time.

And then I looked within again, and reminded myself that I am loved.

There’s no need to seek it.

And, what’s more, even though that feeling came about this time because of the time I spent with someone else, it didn’t have to come from the outside.

I could just focus on all the love that’s already there.

Loveliness

I closed my eyes, and brought my attention to that. I filled myself up with it again.

And my dance changed.

I danced for me.

I danced because I felt so good that my body was moved.

And throughout the rest of the day, everything that happened was gift after gift after gift!

I reconnected with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while, and there’s a possibility that I might sing in a production.

I got home and took a delicious sleepy warm nap on my couch.

Then I did some work on the computer, and effortlessly (when lately it has taken so much effort) took myself to yoga class.

The class was perfect, and left me feeling so grateful.

Then I glided home, and the most delicious warm and refreshing breeze accompanied me caressing my skin as I walked…

Only to find out that my upstairs neighbor, who practices classical piano every day, had been joined by a violinist.

I swooned!

Could it get any better??

Every single one of my senses had been stimulated, and it was almost too much.

My point is…  this is what happens when I shift my approach in life from seeking love, to knowing I’m already loved.

It has nothing to do with whether there is someone else there to love me, and everything to do with practicing feeling the love that’s already there.

It’s vulnerable… a part of me keeps feeling like it can’t last. But even that feels good, and I know there will be another up as much as there will be a down in this roller coaster of life.

So.. Can you find it?

Can you tune in, remind yourself of all the ways in which you’re already loved?

I’m not saying in a woo woo way, ‘loved by the universe,’ etc.

Whatever.

I’m saying in real, concrete ways.

Do it now.

Fill yourself up with it.

Live your days from this place.

This perspective changes everything.

It’s not that obstacles won’t be there. It’s not that things will just be easy, because of the ‘law of attraction.

It’s much more basic than that.

Approaching life with a sense of already being full changes the way we view obstacles, and we start moving out of a sense of wanting to do something instead of seeking acceptance or proving our worth.

Effort gains purpose, instead of being something we have to do.

Choice becomes available, and a sense of freedom has room to grow.

All through taking a bit of time each day to focus on how loved we already are.

Will you try it?

I want to know how it goes! Will you tell me in the comments?

Yummy in My Body

Today, I look at my body’s softness.

The way it rounds and curves and folds and bounces, sometimes ripples…

And I love it!

The protruding roundness rising out of my womb, which is my lower belly… leading up to the lump above my belly button, then separating up to my breasts.

The curve of my shoulders and fleshiness of my arms.

I feel my butt’s heaviness and jiggle as I walk, and instead of judging it, I take pleasure in it.

In how bountiful and juicy it makes me feel (on this particular day at least).

And as I notice these things in myself, I see them in the women around me.

Appreciating their softness and dangliness, and jiggliness… So yummy!

I don’t judge them. I see what men see, in the precious and delectable female form.

And it’s formidable.

Photo credit: Orin Hahn

I love my body [Photo credit: Orin Hahn]