He Strikes Again: Dealing With That Loud Inner Critic

It’s a great practice to not compare ourselves so much with others. Or at the very least, to use it for inspiration instead of tearing ourselves down.

I have to admit, as I do my research to see who my ‘competition’ for my upcoming offerings is and even just as I scroll through my news feeds on various social media platforms, it’s so easy for my insecure inner critic to start telling me how I can’t do what they are doing.

It looks at offerings similar to what I want to do and says that it’s already out there and no one will care. That I shouldn’t even bother.

Give up. You’re not good enough.

Yes. That’s there.

the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we judge ourselves by our content and everyone else by their cover quote Melody Kiersz

Didn’t your mama teach you?

And at the same time, there’s another voice that’s whispering and less audible, but I can hear it.

It says,…

It’s so awesome that those offerings exist because people are getting so much value out of them, feeling better about themselves and gaining power and confidence. That’s what we want, no? Even if it’s not through US.

Plus, your offering is not exactly the same and it comes through you. It has a different voice, and you can reach different people. Isn’t that cool?

And yes, isn’t that cool? I think so.

Of course, I don’t want to make the critic wrong: he is there because he wants me to stay safe, instead of risk what he sees as sure rejection.

I tell it firmly, that just because certain things didn’t work out in the past doesn’t mean they won’t work out now. I’m older and wiser and learned from my mistakes, and I’m also learning a lot more about marketing. And I thank him for his input, because I know he does it out of wanting to take care of me.

Whenever I hear this comparing critic, I thank him for wanting to protect me. Then I look for that other voice which isn’t as strident and pay more attention to what she’s saying. She inspires me to get out of my comfort zone and move forward.

Jump in!

How do you deal with your inner critic? What are some of the voices that keep you from putting your authentic heart desires and offerings out there?

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You Say It Like It’s a Bad Thing!

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.
I will meet you there.”

Rumi

 

Have you ever noticed how we call people who dare to be different, or do things outside the norm, ‘shameless’?

We say it like it’s a bad thing.

But is it?

When you make it your life’s mission to guide people as they heal their shame, being shameless is the goal.

I mean… why would anyone want to have shame?

The feeling that comes up when we are scared of showing a part of ourselves we think is wrong or ‘not enough,’ shame by definition creates fragmentation and disconnection in our lives. Exactly the opposite of what we want: union, intimacy, connection.

So why is it that we call others ‘shameless’ as if it was an insult? As if being it is something to be avoided?

Implied in this language is an unconscious way to keep each other down. To stay within the norm and avoid standing out.

To hold back from expressing their true self, which is extraordinary, unique and different by definition.

Being called shameless is, as far as I’m concerned, a compliment. Something to aspire to.

You can be shameless now.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

As proof, I invite you to be a shame exhibitionist for a while: whenever you feel it, share it. Tell someone about it, and you will see that it’s not the end of the world.

Not just that, but you will realize that that which you’ve been hiding is not as big a deal as it seemed. Most people will understand, and maybe even feel inspired by you to share their own shame.

How do I know this?

It’s one of my clients’ most common epiphanies, and they feel so liberated!

Most of us have been taught that we need to be or do different from how we already are or behave in order to receive/deserve love and appreciation.

This is what sets us up for feeling ‘wrong’ and ‘not enough’… and, yes, feeling shame about it.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, take a risk, and show our shame, we will get one of two responses:

1) The other will understand, empathize and perhaps share their own stuff they’ve been afraid to let us know. We will both feel more connected and free to express ourselves.

Or, 2) the other will feel uncomfortable with our openness because of their own fear of making all of themselves visible. But somebody else’s inability to receive our whole self does not make us ‘wrong’ in any way. It’s not something to take personally.

In either case, being open about our shame will dissipate it because, by definition, it’s not shame anymore once we share it.

You can be shameless right now, just by letting go of this idea that you need to be anything other than who you already are. By accepting and loving yourself. No should, rights or wrongs.

Just beautiful, perfect you.

 

Jump in!

What are your thoughts/feelings on this subject? What has been your experience when you finally shared something you’d been keeping in? Please feel free to share.

As always, thie comments section is an advice-free area. We all have our stuff, and this is a place to share it without fear of being judged or told what to do.

The Power of Vulnerability (and other announcemements)

First of all, I’ve stumbled upon a piece of genius in the shape of a TEDtalk in which brene Brown explains the power of vulnerability.

Which is exactly what Naked Wellness is all about. I’ve never doubted the fact that we find everything we want when we allow ourselves to be visible and vulnerable but, not only is she explaining how it works, she is backing it up with scientific research.

Check it out!

Please share your thoughts on the comment section of this website.

Moving on…

Second, this will be a a quick-fire round of announcements, since I’m currently in beautiful Thailand and the beach is beckoning.

You see, I’m on my day off from the month-long yoga teacher training I’m undertaking in the island of Koh Phangan.

After years of teaching the more philosophical aspects of yoga, in just a week, I will be certified to teach the more physical part of yoga, the asanas (postures).

Which, yes, means that I will be teaching a whole lot of Mo’ning Yoga on my rooftop with a view of the Manhattan skyline once the weather warms up in NYC.

That’s announcement #1.

#2 is the upcoming workshops.

The first one will be on March 29th, and it’s directed to women who would like to rediscover their inner goddess.

The second, on April 12th, is open to all genders and will focus on breathwork for emotional release and clarity.

Please go to the workshops page for more info.

Announcement #3

Since Naked Wellness is about making ourselves visible and stepping into our vulnerability to find our strength, I figured,… what better way to show you what I mean than throwing myself out of the plane without a parachute?

So here’s what’s gonna happen:

On April 20th at 12:00 pm EST, you will call in to the conference line (details coming soon) and will have the opportunity to ask me anything regarding life, the universe,… everything!

And I promise my answer will not be “42.” *

I will not have a clue of what you’ll be throwing at me, but I promise you I will answer to the best of my ability.

Topics I will mostly likely be able to answer with a higher degree of knowledge are:

– Nutrition
– Interpersonal Communication
– Confidence, body image and self-esteem
– Emotional Release
– Spirituality
– Living with purpose

But, seriously, you can ask me whatever you want as long as it’s not a waste of time for the rest of the people on the call. This guarantees that, at the very least, this whole endeavor should be pretty entertaining.

Please RSVP here.

Yippeeee!!

* Side note: if this reference flew over your head, go get yourself a copy of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Sweet Thing Announcement #1

I’ve been wanting to do this forever, but have been stuck on the details of making it happen offline.

And then I realized, there’s no reason why this can’t happen online as well. In fact, I’d be able to support people who don’t live close by.

Plus, the fact that I don’t need to rent a space means that it can be absolutely free.

Yay for that!

So what is this Sweet Thing?

This brand spanking new baby of mine is a healing circle. Well, actually… two of them. One of women, and one for men.

There’s something magical that happens when we realize that we all go through similar stuff, and that we’re not alone. And something even more magical when people, seemingly strangers, reach out to support each other.

And yes, this works even on the phone.

I mean, it’s not uncommon to have a great friend who moved away, that we still keep in contact with and draw support from.

So, I’m still ironing out the details but I envision this as a weekly or biweekly teleconference, paired with an online forum where people can post and get feedback and support in between.

No topic will be off-limits.

What to eat, weight loss, personal relationships, how to deal with your boss, spirituality, communication, creativity, fear and insecurities, sex, meditation, exercise, self-esteem, body issues, dating… Whatever you need support with.

You’ll have a chance to ask me whatever questions have been plaguing you.

You’ll also have a chance to ask the rest of the people in the group. It’s amazing what we can learn from the people around us!

This is about being open and sharing, getting things off our chest and giving and receiving feedback.

Most of all, this is about listening. Sending virtual hugs and letting the other person know they are appreciated. And getting some of that in return when we need it.

And don’t we all need it?

I know I do!

Jump in!

Since this is still in its formation stage, I’m giving people a chance to say what they would like this to include. What else would you like to be a part of this? Is there any particular thing you’d like support with?

I’ll be announcing the launch of this new tiny sweet thing and how to sign up soon.

I’m so excited to share this with you!